Black CD player

I had to grab a cd player to put in my room this evening. I got the old black one from the guest bedroom. Now I'm sitting here listening to my Loreena McKennett "Nights from the Alhambra" CD. But as I put the cd in and started to turn it on, something took me back...

I didn't know that a piece of plastic and electronics could hold a key to my past like this, but as I turned it on, I was almost magically transported back in time, way back to an earlier version of myself, circa 1991 - 1994, driving on those dark roads out 2222 to 360 and then up Shepherd's Mountain again. Back to sit in my dark office, in the dark quiet high-tech interior of my Tivoli office. Hacking away at some sort of code or build in the dark, listening to Pink Floyd, Tish Hinojosa or Todd Rundgren while I tried to help make a crazy dream of success around distributed systems management company come true.

I don't know exactly what it was about flipping the switch past FM and AM and then to CD, or perhaps the little high-pitched almost screech that the cd makes as it starts to turn, but it was an immediate feeling, "I've been here before; I can smell the carpet and the office furniture, I can see the world in it's sleeping darkness outside of the window in front of me as I stare at the bright-lit text on the screen in front of me."

I remember that feeling, being outside in the summer air and staring up at the stars outside of the Shepherd's Mountain building. I would usually head back to the office around 10:00, after getting Kelson down to sleep and telling Patty goodnight. Then it was work alone and in the dark until one, two, three or sometimes even later. Sometimes I listened to Larry Monroe on KUT; on Saturdays it used to be Howie Ritchey's "Alternative Wave" (after "The Hearts of Space" finished at midnight) in a KUT program schedule that is at least 17 years gone...

I remember best Pink Floyd's "The Division Bell," Tish Hinojosa's "Aquella Noche," and Todd Rundgren's "Second Wind." Those CDs carried me through the pain of my part of delivering 2.0:

if I have to be alone
then I should make my mind serene
after all you're born alone, you die alone
you might as well spend every moment in between alone

I can remember those nights with my mind, and I do from time to time. But the more visceral level of memory is locked up in those feelings, the memories of the smell, the night air, the darkness, the sense of loneliness that remains in me forever, just looking for a key to unlock and let it out. A black Sharp CD player is just such a key.

Speedwork

I haven't been running enough lately. Ever since the marathon last fall, I haven't been able to really get into a groove. I've had a couple of 12-15 mile weeks, but mostly I have a hard time getting out for three runs a week, and I haven't managed to do any kind of consistent interesting workouts, like speedwork, hills or tempo runs. I keep telling myself that I need to get out after work at least once a week and go to the track. The other option is to get out early in the morning, which is a great option with only one downside. It's not happening; no matter how many times I tell myself I'm getting up early, it never happens. I can manage to get out of bed for swim practice, but for running I just can't seem to do it.

Anyway, finally today I got over to the track after work. This morning started out cold and rainy, or drizzly at least. By by late morning, the cold front moved on through and it turned into one of those days that you dream about as a runner. Sparkling blue skies, low humidity and temperatures in the 60s. By the time I left work it was dark, but still beautiful outside.

I've been feeling pretty slow lately. Ever since I got well into my marathon training back in July, I haven't really done any speed work or intervals or anything like that. My runs lately, which have mostly been 4 milers with the occasional 6 or 8 miler have just felt slow. I keep telling myself that it's just how I feel, and that once I get back to the track things will feel better. Well tonight dispelled that idea pretty quickly.

I ran an easy mile to warm up and then did two sets of the standard Texas Iron drills and strides. My plan at that point was to do 6x400 with a 200 recovery between each. I've done enough 400s at the track to know that I should be able run around 1:35 and even down to 1:25 on a good day. However, tonight wasn't a good day. My first interval was around 1:45. Which might not be so bad, except that it hurt like I was running hard. And the others didn't get any better. I stopped at 4 because I didn't want to go on an more; they were all around 1:45 - 1:50.

I suppose that I could use the excuse that I had swum a hard workout in the morning, my first in two weeks. But it wasn't like I felt that bad or tired before running. I've just lost my speed it seems. But now that I know, I guess it's incentive to be back at the track every week. At least I know that things have to get better.

Oh, and one benefit of being out tonight. It really was a beautiful evening. In fact, as it got darker, I could actually see my shadow on the track cast by the moon.